Jokes on the Junta

Have a Laugh - The Bunker Memo

2009-06-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

BAI NI PIRAHNA
OFFICE OF JOSEPH FRANK BAI
GOVT BUNKER 7422, MILITARY BUILDINGS, VEOVLES VITI
_________________________________________________

INTERNAL MEMORANDUM

To all New Bhai's,

Subject: The Bunker (do not distribute outside the Organization)

Bula guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that visshion! However, while we continue to fight the non-believers for the rest of this year, we can't forget to take care of the bunker, and frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about methodist's missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our bunka. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation (a health and safety issue), so we need to sweep the bunka daily.

I've done my bit on the cleaning - Teleni lazy arss .. have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the bunker reception (next to Aiyaz's halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a media address. But when I do, I'm trying to scare the shit out of most of the Fiji's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride in the Pajero's in the background or keep doing the 'wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third - food. I bought a box of Rewa Butter recently. I clearly wrote 'Bai' on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Rewa slices were gone. Consideration - that's all I'm saying.

Fourth, I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Methodist's bat and ball games. Please do not chant 'Bai, bai, bai, mosi, mosi, mosi' when I come past in my Hummer. Thanks.

Fifth - graffiti. Whoever wrote 'BAI FUCKS PIGGIES' on the group toilet wall - it's a lie. The pig backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the cliff-face at delainabua.

Sixth, the use of chickens is strictly for food. Teleni - the old excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of the cliff-face' will not be accepted in future (with pigs, there is a grey area).

Finally, we've heard that there may be Ozzie soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Aiyaz, Mataitonga, Gates, Shysta and Lewammy.

Love you lots,
Group Hug.
Bai.

PS - I'm sick of having 'Bye Bed Linen' scribbled on my laundry bag. Sa yala eke - it's not funny anymore.

We See You

2009-04-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

Have a real laugh!

2007-10-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

Taking the UNGA by storm (not)

2007-10-30T01:08:00.000-07:00

One day the penny will drop

2007-10-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Negotiations Ma'chaud style

2007-10-30T01:03:00.000-07:00

Electionssssssssssssss

2007-08-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

Side-lined

2007-08-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

Hooray for publicly funded jaunts!

2007-08-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

T'wasnt me!

2007-08-16T19:08:00.000-07:00

Timbuktu

2007-08-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

Dinner with Frank

2007-08-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

To China, to China to catch a fat pig

2007-07-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

Mai Loli ki Lola e sa na warai ga

2007-07-17T20:05:00.002-07:00

Save a space for me!

2007-07-17T20:05:00.001-07:00

And all the non-FLP Unions said (altogether now)...

2007-07-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

In the "public interest"...whateverrrrrrrrr!

2007-07-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

Is it over?

2007-07-15T14:28:00.001-07:00

Liar, Liar

2007-07-12T22:11:00.001-07:00

The FLP Posers

2007-07-11T23:17:00.001-07:00

Spot the shysters (note: there are 3)

2007-07-11T23:16:00.001-07:00

Did you think we were stupid?

2007-07-11T23:15:00.002-07:00

Our very own Atlas, wheeler-dealer-extraordinaire

2007-07-11T23:15:00.001-07:00

Denial

2007-07-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

New friends, new favours

2007-06-28T14:39:00.002-07:00

Fiji: the new animal farm

2007-06-28T14:39:00.001-07:00

?

2007-06-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

Priorities, priorities

2007-06-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Noble Intentions?

2007-06-28T14:36:00.002-07:00

Wheeler Dealer

2007-06-28T14:36:00.001-07:00

Keeping it sweet

2007-06-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

Inconsistencies plus-plus

2007-06-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

Do they know? Who's watching?

2007-06-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

Competing Brethren

2007-06-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

If flag-poles could talk...

2007-06-23T20:49:00.001-07:00

Currying Favour

2007-06-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

Ask me about golf, not those ruddy conventions

2007-06-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

It's all about the moula

2007-06-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours

2007-06-23T17:07:00.000-07:00

Watch out for my pearls of wisdom

2007-06-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

I knew

2007-06-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

Identity Crisis: I'm still the FHRC (aren't I?)

2007-06-12T23:11:00.001-07:00

We're all on the same page...absolutely!

2007-06-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

Pearls, chiffon, bling and that's about it

2007-06-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

Of Boys and Men

2007-06-12T23:05:00.001-07:00

The Salamander Mentors

2007-06-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

Mummy...I'm Stuck...

2007-06-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

Image is Everything

2007-06-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

Of $$ and the lack of it...

2007-05-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

The best-laid plans....(yada, yada, yada)

2007-05-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

Nadi: The New No-Go Zone (and our tourism hot-spot?)

2007-05-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

Polemicising Human Rights

2007-05-02T22:42:00.000-07:00

HR101: Terror Tactics on your subordinates ALWAYS works

2007-05-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

Media Freedom in Fiji: Only when we decide you "need to know"

2007-05-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

Nepotism - Who, Where, When???

2007-05-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

Partnering for Instability

2007-05-02T17:52:00.000-07:00

Cornered into fire-fighting 24-7

2007-04-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

How NOT to read between the lines...

2007-04-29T13:47:00.000-07:00

Who the Man?

2007-04-29T03:59:00.000-07:00

TV Presentation Skills 101: How NOT to do it...

2007-04-29T03:24:00.000-07:00